The Prey

I’ve had a friend for the last 15 years who consistantly treated me like the prey.  I remember wearing my Brett Eldredge concert shirt “I’m so drunk” which was a play on his song “Drunk on Your Love” and she said in disgust”why are you wearing that shirt? I’d never wear that shirt”  This was per usual with her.  I kept being friends with her because she bailed me out.  At one point I was near homeless and she provided a place for me to stay until I got back on my feet.  When I got my latest job at Star she said “I don’t like the music, why don’t you go work at a country station?” Another example, I mentioned I suck at singing but do it anyway. She said “Ya I was talking about you to my husband saying you ruined “Miss me More” by Kelsea Ballerini because you were singing in the car to it. I had a falling out with a mutual friend.  I still ask how she’s doing because I genuinely care.  The last time I asked she said “ya she said it was too hard to be friends with you”  Like a sucker punch to my gut.  Why would you say that?  It’s as if she got joy from putting me down.  I was the prey.  She wasn’t killing me for food but essentially she was attacking me to feed her need to feel better about herself.  She’d buy me dinners to feel altruistic.  It’s as if she could get away with treating me badly by helping me out.  I felt guilty so I kept saying yes to hanging out. Every time she’d pick on something I was doing or had done.  Little digs to put me in my place.  I was out to dinner with her Saturday Night again when I was blown away by her response to a crazy situation.

 

We were at dinner when I was showing her a comedienne I follow on Instagram.  I hadn’t viewed her Instagram stories but started playing them for her.  Unbeknownst to me the comedienne, Heather McMahan(she’s hilarious) said a cuss word.  The place where we were dining was super tiny and had a bar.  It was also 9:30 PM.  The manager overhearing the video approached my table scolding me “there are children here can you watch the language?”  I was stunned.  I said to my friend “is he serious?” She said “yeah, he has a point”  I said “Really??? we’re a couple feet from the bar and it’s after 9”  She then said “well we’re not in the bar and there’s a family over there and you should’ve been for careful”  I just started to tear up.  I couldn’t believe my so called friend was shaming me for a video I didn’t know had a cuss word in it.  I said “this is the worst experience I’ve ever had” she then brought up a situation from my past to say I’ve experienced worse.  Something I shared with her in confidence and she threw it back in my face.  That’s when I got in my car and drove home.  While tears were streaming down my face I turned on Taylor Swift’s album “Lover” “The Archer” hit me like a literal bullseye.

Combat, I’m ready for combat
I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?
‘Cause cruelty wins in the movies
I’ve got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

 

I’ve been the archer
I’ve been the prey
Who could ever leave me, darling?
But who could stay?

 

I realized I was in a way her prey.  She was fed by putting me down.  It literally felt like combat when I’d hang out with her.  I never knew what arrow she’d throw at me.  I found the confidence to say I’m done.  What I’m saying to you is put your self worth first.  If a relationship doesn’t serve you anymore…walk away.  Don’t be someone’s prey.  You get one life and your worthy of a friend who has your back and doesn’t belittle you as do I. She’d make feel as if no one would stay in my life because I wasn’t worthy.  NO.  I’m done!  A true friend supports you even if you’re doing something stupid.  Life is hard enough, don’t let anyone make you feel inferior.

 

 

sending love and light your way,

 

Mandi

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